![]() ![]() A combination of bad genes, early infant bonding problems, emotional family trauma and neglect all contribute to psychopathy. Typically they partner with people who were vulnerable to them in the first place.īoth men and women can be soulless but express their coldness differently.īoth men and women can be soulless but express their coldness differently. They are predators in relationships and see love not as having its own merit but as a means to an end. Typically when a neighbor’s pet dies they feel nothing, unless there is some advantage to appearing to be sorry. There is a range of soullessness - from the criminally insane psychopaths to the garden variety petty criminals to the apparently well-functioning people in relationships who are incapable of caring. Their inability to grasp how they affect others in relationships and be responsible for their actions is something they can work on but doesn’t come naturally to them. How did they get this way?Ĭlearly people who lack a conscience are not all bad and they deserve our compassion and caring. It can feel horrifying and deeply discouraging to realize the person we love so much is incapable of true compassion. SEE ALSO When Someone You Know Is Living the Me-Me Life ![]() They impose their limitations on others who typically give them more credit than their due. They never change without highly specialized psychological help - professionals who treat attachment disorders. Teens may go through normal periods of self-preoccupation and be oblivious to others but eventually grow out of such limitations. Such coldness is chronic in uncaring people’s lives, originates in childhood and ought not to be confused with other problems.įor instance, people with chemical dependency problems may go through periods of indifference to others but when they sober up they feel true remorse over what they have done. Often we don’t know what to do about it and we feel crazy.Ībout one in six people is unable to empathize with other people’s feelings, gets stuck in rigid and insensitive patterns of behavior, and essentially pretends at life itself. Yes some people really are incapable of understanding other people’s feelings. So we deny, deceive ourselves, overfunction and endlessly suffer. The stark reality is that our loved one lacks compassion and we may be too horror stricken to recognize that fact. Even when our loved one is sober, law-abiding, and apparently well-functioning, we may be living in anguish with a person who is incapable of change and relational sensitivity. We may communicate our feelings, ask for behavior change, lose our composure, manipulate for better results, or even threaten to leave. In an effort to lessen our ordeal we may attempt to change our soulless loved one. We may feel disoriented, duped, exploited, overburdened, and depressed from such experiences as we overly blame ourselves for the insensitivity of a clueless loved one. Whether it’s a parent, partner or child, a soulless family member may take an enormous toll on us. Our family member may be persistently incapable of understanding his or her emotional impact on others and lack a conscience. Nearly all of us have loved one who “just doesn’t get it.” Although he or she may appear to be the answer to our dreams, something basic is missing. I married Same because he was predictable, not because he was capable of love.” Soullessness in a relationship Rather than lose any more of my identity I left Sam. My teddy bear had become a grizzly bear squeezing the life out of me. Even so I constantly doubted my own sanity and blamed myself for Sam’s coldness. The worst part was Sam’s indifference to my tears and his denial of his contribution to our marital woes. He insisted on our going to bed each night at 10, always wanted to schedule our weekend activities for the two of us, and micromanaged our finances to the penny. However Sam’s rigidity and control over our life together became extreme. I thought he was just nervous and I didn’t make a big deal of it. This absolutely hot guy didn’t want to have sex with me. The first sign of trouble came on our honeymoon. At first Sam worshipped me and was very agreeable. His lack of social skills was no big deal since I had enough pizazz for the two of us. He seemed like an old-fashioned guy, someone you bring home to mom and dad. As a young ad rep believe me I met my share of players and I wanted someone stable - someone really stable! Initially Sam’s boyish charm and conventionality stole my heart. Leave him alone.” Did I listen to them? No I didn’t. “My life was going great until one day at the office this good looking guy, Sam, a computer consultant, came on our floor and I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. ![]()
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